April Round-Up
*Deep Breath* "CHICKEN JOCKEY!", "I... am STEVE" etc.
GREETINGS & SALUTATIONS
In this edition:
Steve’s Lava Chicken is as tasty as hell
50 is the new… 25?
Boba Fett vs. every bounty hunter scumbag in the galaxy
This month marked my 50th birthday - the cliché milestone birthday like no other, the one with built-in attachments of “You’re halfway there!” (as if we all get to live to be a hundred) and that general malaise of being on “the other side of life”. Over the hill: Official.
In the run-up to my birthday, I was thinking about presents. The pressure of having to think of that one big thing which I could keep and remember this moment. In all honesty, I couldn’t think of anything. Yeah, there’s stuff I’d quite like (hello, Jabba’s Sail Barge), but nothing I really needed. One of the nicest, unexpected gifts of the day was a small collection of photos I had never seen before which my Aunt had recently unearthed: Me, aged between 4 and 7. Yes, it was an emotional moment - a bit like looking through a very long mirror down to the past (I mean, what else do photos do if not provoke nostalgia?). Did I do that kid justice? Would he be pleased with where I’m at? On the flipside, I found myself thinking of his journey, all the stages and changes… We agreed on a truce.
JUST ONE MORE THING…
I’ve got a couple of Substack recommendations this month: First up is from
, who is consistently on the money when it comes to provoking self-awareness and acceptance, always asking wizard-level questions and prompting the right kind of self-reflection. Meg has a book out soon called Are You Mad At Me?, which I am certainly going to read.Next is
, who has recently retired from acting (no longer wishing to be a cog in the machine; instead wanting to BE the machine… who can argue with that?). I really like her writing - it’s naturally conversational - and I look forward to reading more.CINEMA
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
After a stellar opening and many a cinema left obliterated by thrown popcorn and even live chickens, A Minecraft Movie has been elevated to the status of “critic-proof”. The target audience loves it. It has achieved what it set out to do i.e. make money.
As a part-time Minecrafter i.e. I’ve only ever played in creative mode, it ticked the boxes. It looks great, all of the characters and creatures are there. Jack Black serves as a permanent guide through proceedings: If ever the audience isn’t sure about what’s happening or what that thingy-thing does, he’s there, telling us/singing random made-up songs about it.
Jack Black is… STEVE… a human who somehow finds his way into the realm of Minecraft (it’s not the sort of film which bothers with water-tight explanations. Stuff just happens). And for the most part, he has a very nice time there. Then he comes across a big baddie and is imprisoned, with only his faithful wolf, Dennis, to save the day. Some more humans arrive in the world, headed by puffed-up macho-nerd Jason Momoa, who gets most of the laughs by being ridiculous.
Where the film is perhaps a bit wobbly is the tone: Jared Hess, director of Napoleon Dynamite, Nacho Libre and Gentlemen Broncos brings his usual geeky awkward aesthetic where weirdness seems to pass as humour: You either get or you don’t. It’s not an entirely successful blend - some attempts at humour fall to awkward silence - but on the whole its heart is in the right place. It’s a harmless, big daft blockbuster which skates over the weaker non-Minecraft parts (i.e. the human characters) by quickly delving back into the equally barmy and weird world of Minecraft.
What I would say is this: This was one of the most entertaining and memorable cinema-going experiences ever. The audience - mostly teens - applauded every buzz quote from the trailer. Hearing a child’s voice exclaim “CREEPER!” when one shuffled onto the screen was brilliant. Is it a brilliant film? Perhaps not. Is it a vibe? Definitely. And if a film can generate such audience interaction, it must be doing something right.
VERDICT: Crushes loaves.
TELEVISION
THE STUDIO
There have been lots of rave reviews for this Apple Original series, featuring Seth Rogan as an exec struggling to keep the studio afloat. There’s a huge nod to Robert Altman’s The Player (presumably The Studio is hoping to score cool points by association?) as Rogan’s boss and studio head is Griffin Mill - the character Tim Robbins played in The Player. I found this distracting: If they had actually cast Tim Robbins instead of Bryan Cranston as Mill, then maybe there would be a point to this inclusion. Is the show meant to be son-of-The-Player? Is it just a doff of the cap? It kind of bugs me when films do this, like when horror films name bit-parts as ‘Romero’ or ‘Cronenberg’ or whatever. It’s nice that the filmmakers know who these people are but really, you don’t need to let us all know. We know who they are, too.
There are famous cameos and guest stars a-go-go, and it has a similar manic jazz/headache-inducing vibe as The Bear and Birdman (which seems to be the in-thing right now), so if that’s the sort of thing you like then maybe this is for you. Personally, I just can’t do it.
VERDICT: Not for me.
READING
WAR OF THE BOUNTY HUNTERS by Soule, McNiven, Ross, Messina
This graphic novel follows Bounty Hunter Boba Fett post-Empire Strikes Back: He’s got Han Solo frozen in carbonite - until he starts to defrost, and Boba has a problem on his hands. This is such a great story - probably one of the best Star Wars movie tie-ins - it utilises characters that readers actually want to see more of, and fills in the blanks between Empire and Return of the Jedi (and links nicely with the spin-off Solo movie) in a very pleasing exploration of Bounty Hunter vs. Bounty Hunter. It’s not bogged down with lore, instead it opts for FUN (who’d have thought…). It’s such a great story, I’ve no idea why this isn’t a movie. I would watch the heck out of it.
VERDICT: Most impressive.
PLAYING
ROBOCOP: Rogue City
Sticking firmly to the vibe of Paul Verhoevan’s 1987 classic movie, this FPS captures the look and feel of the Robocop movies. The locations - including the police precinct and steelworks - are exact renderings of the movie locations and are the biggest selling point: It looks like Robocop. The voice acting has Peter Weller reprising his most famous role, but that’s as far as it goes for the OG’s (although the “new” voice of Lewis sounds remarkably like Nancy Allen). The gameplay is fine, if a little niggly at times: Once you’ve finished your mission the game often requires you to traipse all the way back through the level to leave the location, which slows down the action. Also, side-missions are too easy to miss, and the cut-scenes can feel sluggish and cartoony at times. On the whole, it is a lot of fun (well, apart from fighting ED-209, which had me yelling at the screen), but while the story follows the usual themes of Robocop struggling with memories of Murphy the human, the script doesn’t quite hit the satirical heights of the original movie. That said, the Robo targeting is cool, and who doesn’t want to mow down nuke-addicted scumbags, eh?
VERDICT: I LIKE IT!
ON ROTATION
Here’s what I’ve been listening to this month - enjoy!
Thank you for reading Short People!
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