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GREETINGS & SALUTATIONS
In this edition:
My life gets Tomodachiād
Barry Keoghan looks someone I went to school with
First Light for Bond
Yes, yes, if thereās an avatar of my wife pretending to present the news, then it must be true! I turned fifty-one in April. Well done to me for making it thus far ān all that.
Slightly bigger news: I was called up for jury service at the end of April. How Iāve gone so long without ever being asked, I donāt know. I was sort of hoping to see what actually goes on in court (after years of watching this kind of thing on TVā¦ Judge Judy/Rinder/Dredd - delete as applicable), but after spending three hours in a jury waiting room, I was sent home. I was on call for the rest of the week, but my expert character-scrutinising skills were not required. It was an unexpectedly odd experience, being sat in a room with about seventy strangers, all with the same expression: āI do not want to be here.ā Watching them be whittled down was all very Squid Game: the mind games of whether you were being selected for a jury or selected to go home, which was an emotional rollercoaster, I can tell you.
In other news, I finished writing all six episodes of The Mutual. Thatās the equivalent of three feature-length screenplays being written in 6/7 weeks. Go me. Talk about brain ache. Itās a funny old thing, writing. Having to spend weeks not exactly inhabiting a role like actors do, but spending A LOT of time in the emotional space of the charactersā¦ Letās just say I was ready to move on when it was finished!
Anyway, next up, I will be prepping scripts for filming - hopefully this year, if I can get my actors (and my act) together. Maybe next month Iāll have more to say on this? I know, I know, you can hardly waitā¦ Anyway, hereās a pic of my fake family and me gathered around a fake birthday cake.
JUST ONE MORE THINGā¦
The title sequence for the upcoming James Bond game First Light was released last week, and what a cracker it is too! Iāll admit I was a little sceptical based on what I had seen of this take on early Bond, but if this opener is anything to go by, it will be great. The amazing visuals are complemented by probably the best Bond theme since Chris Cornellās āYou Know My Nameā (from Casino Royale). Composer David Arnold really knows how to create a Bond song, and Lana Del Reyās title song is everything you want from a Bond theme - Moodiness, danger and bombast - all the ingredients for what will hopefully be a classic Bond game.
STREAMING
āWUTHERING HEIGHTSā
At the start of this year, there was a lot of hoo-haa about the latest adaptation of Emily Bronteās much-loved tale of passion and destruction between Heathcliff and Cathy - not to mention complaints that it bore little resemblance to its source material. Iāve seen a couple of the previous versions but havenāt read the book, and this time round it is clearly a teenage girlās fantasy; a pulp fairy tale novel directed by Tim Burton. Its visuals are heightened, and the lead actors - Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi - are āglamorousā versions of the characters. The focus is less on the grit and more on pervy shots of fingers lustfully smearing egg yolks (yes, you read that right). So far, so Saltburn, then. Director Emerald Fennell is doing her thang, indulging in the outlandish and grotesque. Yet, and thus it shall remain, Wuthering Heights is a mystery to me. It was promoted as if it were one of the great literary romances, but it centres on two of the biggest idiots treating each other abominably. Itās more of a horror than a romance. If youāre the kind of person who believes romantic relationships should be mind games and torture, then have at it.
Me? I think Heathcliff and Cathy deserve each other.
Available on NOW TV
VERDICT: Overwrought, preposterous,
WEAPONS
I finally caught up with this after hearing so many good things about it. Along with Sinners and One Battle After Another, Weapons was one of the most lauded movies of 2025. And like those aforementioned films, it was a bit lost on me.
With its creepy set-up of a classroom of kids going missing one night, the film replays from different charactersā perspectives to show how this mass disappearance affected those connected: Parents, teacher, etc. Itās an intriguing premise with some affecting imagery, but, for me, it just didnāt amount to much. The film wants to please. It wants to weird you out, and thatās where its energies lie, and I find a lot of films lately want to be a vibe, or concentrate on making you feel a certain thing, rather than letting the story do the work. And thatās fine, thereās a place for all that, but it just didnāt leave me feeling much.
Like Sinners and One Battle, it has its moments - there are things I admired, good performances, but I was left again feeling like it didnāt add up to much.
Available on NOW TV
VERDICT: Unsettling yet unsurprising.
CRIME 101
It would be unfair to refer to this as Heat-Lite, because Crime 101 is actually a cracking thriller: gripping, decent story and characters, and a mature approach to proceedings. It has a story to tell and gets on with it. What more can you ask for? Thereās a capable cast, interweaving Chris Hemsworthās professional robber with Halle Berryās insurance broker and Mark Ruffaloās dedicated cop with a hunch (not like Quasimodo). Barry Keoghan also pops up, looking like a kid I used to go to school with, who, coincidentally, was as big a moron as our Barry plays.
Crime 101 reminded me of one of those movies youād chance upon in an eighties video shop: You didnāt know much about it, there were decent actors on the cover of the video case, it held some promise, so you took a punt, and it was actually a lot better than you thought it would be. My only criticism would be - and this isnāt necessarily a bad thing, because films should strive for greatness - it really wants to be Michael Mannās Heat.
It is soā¦ Heat, only smaller, less sprawling. There was even one shot which made me think of Heat - remember that skyline shot from the helicopter, where it tilts and all the city lights sort of blur? This film has its own version of that.
Heat is one of my favourite films, and I always end up watching the whole thing every time I chance upon it on television. Any film that wants to play in the same park as Heat and manages to hold its own can only be a good thing. Crime 101 is a great way to fill the gap until Heat 2 arrives.
Available on Amazon Prime
VERDICT: āGimme all ya got!ā
GAMING
TOMODACHI LIFE: Living the Dream
Available on the Nintendo Switch, this is a cosy Animal Crossing-style social simulator where you get a small house, decorate it, make friends with the locals and all that snuggly stuff. Where TL excels is in its AI: You can cultivate your characters, their responses and things they might say. In other words, you can base characters on people you know. Your friends and family. You could base your characters on the cast of Are You Being Served? if you feel so inclined (so long as you can remember all the catchphrases).
So, as your characters grow in personality, so do their interactions with the other characters you create. And thereās a neat line of humour which runs through the game, not to mention the awkward hilarity when your characters develop feelings for each other. My kids were immediately addicted (not sure if thatās something to be proud of, but there ya goā¦), and it is easy to see why.
VERDICT: Sweet, cute and a lot of fun.
THANK GOODNESS YOUāRE HERE
Oh boy, where to start with thisā¦ Imagine British soap opera Coronation Street mating with a Viz comic, creating a monstrously naughty offspring. You play a little yellow salesman waiting for a job interview, who pops outside only to become entangled in the lives and goings-on of a community of bizarre and grotesque characters. Essentially, you walk through a cartoon packed with increasingly silly missions, mad town inhabitants and some truly surreal ideas. Thereās someone with their arm stuck in a grate. Someone else with an impossibly long arm. An alternate dimension where rats run the supermarket and are scared of humans. Oh, did I mention the bottom-slapping?
Another mission takes place INSIDE a piece of meat. All very Vic Reeves. Matt Berry lends his vocals to proceedings, which should give you a good idea of what type of bizarre randomness youāre in for. To give you an idea of how twisted this game is: If you stay seated for fifteen minutes right at the start of the game, you actually go in for your interview, and none of the game takes placeā¦
VERDICT: Lunacy + Rudeness = Funniest game ever.
READING
AS YOU WISH by Cary Elwes
This definitive āmaking ofā The Princess Bride, as written by the Dread Pirate Roberts himself, Cary Elwes. Released in 2014, it has been on my To-Read list for years. Iāve been reading it in between other books, mainly because it is easy to dip in and out of.
The Princess Bride garnered rave reviews when first released, but did precious little at the box office due to poor marketing. It IS an unusual film, as it is essentially a Grandfather reading a book to his grandson - and that is where the disconnect landed between the film and the audience. But, as we all know, it became something of a cult hit on video and is now regarded as a classic.
The book covers Cary Elwesā experience of making the film from start to finish, and a nice time he had too, excluding a broken toe. If thereās any complaint with this book, it isā¦ nice. All the actors involved were nice. The director was nice. The crew was nice. The catering wasnāt nice. Making the film was nice.
Obviously, Mr Elwes isnāt going to make stuff up that didnāt happen, nor is it a case of wanting him to spill the tea, but quite often, there isnāt much to say beyond how nice it all was. Even the frequent quotes from the cast repeat how nice it all was. The more interesting moments include Andre the Giant, and this is where the book comes alive because you learn about what he was like and the challenges he faced. It was also heartening to read example after example of how Rob Reiner was such a decent fellow - even when everything was going wrong, he was a champ.
As You Wish is an easy read that offers insight into the production of a movie, how easily things go wrong and how you have to stay on your toes (or not, if theyāre broken). There arenāt many eye-opening revelations, but it does give flesh to how a film takes on its own life.
VERDICT: Very sportsmanlike.
ON ROTATION
Hereās what has been in my ears during April - enjoy!
Like the cut of my jib, do ya? Well buy me a coffee!
(Actual real coffee is also readily accepted!)
