GREETINGS & SALUTATIONS
In this edition:
That was the Summer that was
Alien is a place on Earth
And so say all of us: TAP INTO AMERICA!
Summer is over, and it is back to school/work once again… sob sob sniffle…
My two lovelies are navigating 6th form and Year 7 in Secondary School, so it is a time of big challenges. I’m also making plans whilst getting on with Scribe Lounge’s 3-in-3 challenge to write three screenplays in three months. No idea if it is doable, but I’m going for it. I’ve also entered a few short scripts into the Kinolime competition: Hopefully, I will have more to say on this next month…
In August, I had a couple of family trips: Firstly, to Oxford, which in my mind was a sort of pilgrimage to the past. Back in 1994, I worked on a feature film, my first experience on a film set, which involved three weeks on location in Oxford. I lived at Oriel College during that time, and it proved to be a formative experience - a sort of coming-of-age event which, as hard on me as it was at the time, I look back fondly through rose-tinted glasses.
I revisited some of the locations, my spirit said hello to some of the ghosts, and thoughts were with those no longer with us… but ultimately, there was nothing there for me. No moment of understanding, resolution or inspiration. I was just in a place where something significant to me once occurred. Those days remain where they should. If anything, it was a time to reflect on my younger self, their hopes for the future, and how things had turned out differently, career-wise - and how those dreams are still relevant and not scattered. It was just a different, twistier path to travel.
It was while we had a week’s holiday in Norfolk, when I wasn’t searching for answers or direction, that those very things surfaced. I don’t want to get into all that now, but I have plans for next year which feel exciting and purposeful. More to come!
JUST ONE MORE THING…
It had been twenty years since I’d visited Norfolk, and I was pleased to find that Doodle Pots are still in business! Me ‘n the fam had a great time working on our masterpieces. Trust me, my efforts were a vast improvement on the plant pot I painted all those years ago, which looked like a three-year-old had crafted it. But, as if to remind me yet again, the fun is in the creating!
CINEMA
THIS IS SPINAL TAP (41st Anniversary)
I first saw This Is Spinal Tap around 1991, having recorded it on BBC 2. I’d heard/read about it over the years since its release in 1984, but it had promptly vanished from video shops. I’ll always remember the first time I saw it because when it ended, I immediately watched it again. Then my brother came downstairs, and I made him watch it (my third time). Then I told my best friend about it and we watched it together. It was one of the rare films that you never want to end.
For the uninitiated, Spinal Tap are a fictional British heavy metal band comprising of guitarist/vocalist David St. Hubbins, lead guitarist/vocalist Nigel Tufnel, bass player Derek Smalls, Viv Savage on keyboards, and drummer Mick Shrimpton. The fake documentary - if you will, “Rockumentary” - charts the downward spiral of Spinal Tap’s seemingly cursed American tour. Starring as St. Hubbins, Tufnel, and Smalls, Americans Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, and Harry Shearer deliver note-perfect accents and musical performances, so good that it’s easy to forget that Spinal Tap aren’t real.
Thankfully, Spinal Tap were having a resurgence in the early 90s, releasing a new, highly-polished album called Break Like The Wind in 1992. They would crop up on TV shows like ITV’s Raw Power. A book was released. Live gigs (with a VHS video, The Return of Spinal Tap, blending their ‘92 Royal Albert Hall gig with docu-skits, one detailing Derek Smalls’ father’s telephone sanitation business). They even appeared in an episode of The Simpsons. It seemed like we were going to get more - a lot more - of Spinal Tap… and then… Sporadically, they would reappear, including a 2001 “back from the dead” tour and a set at Glastonbury in 2009. But there was no follow-up film, even though they were held in legendary status by comedy-lovers around the world.
Guest went on to direct many films - Best in Show, For Your Consideration, A Mighty Wind - and my favourite, the much overlooked The Big Picture - not to mention appearances in Little Shop of Horrors, A Few Good Men, and Count Rugen in The Princess Bride. McKean appeared in countless films and TV roles, including Clue, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, and Planes, Train & Automobiles. Both McKean and Shearer had memorable cameos in Friends (McKean as the iffy “Mockolate” exec and Shearer as the animal-fight promoter). Shearer would also appear in The Truman Show, Godzilla (1998), and most notably, voicing a multitude of Simpsons’ characters, including Mr. Burns and Smithers. And that’s a complete skim of the surface of their collective careers.
The main trio are supported by so many great characters like no-nonsense manager Ian Faith (“I'm not co-managing this band with anyone. Especially not someone who dresses like an Australian's nightmare!”) and cameos from Bruno Kirby as a Sinatra-obsessed limo driver, Fran Drescher’s Bobbi Fleckman (“You put a *greased naked woman* on all fours with a dog collar around her neck”) and Paul Benedict’s bewigged hotel concierge struggling to deal with a problem booking (“You wanted seven, uh, suites. Yes, we-we mistakenly put you on the seventh floor with one suite.”)
A feeling of “We could have had so much more” sat with me as I recently watched the re-release of This Is Spinal Tap. The passing of time is duly noted. But, legal wrangles over profits from the film (the Tap creators received an unbelievably pitiful $81 from merchandise and $98 from music sales over decades) have thankfully put the rights back where they belong, and Spinal Tap are returning to cinemas next month with Spinal Tap II: The End Continues.
Mark Kermode recently aired his fear for the new Tap film because he loves the first film so much and wants the belated sequel to be good, and I’m with him on that because This Is Spinal Tap is such a beloved film.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it over the years, and I’m pleased to say I recently watched it at the Odeon Lux cinema in Norwich, kicking off with a specially-recorded intro from director Rob Reiner, and wrapping things up with Tap director Marti Di Bergi and a clip from Spinal Tap II.
I sat with a perma-smile throughout. All the quotable lines, the comedy pauses… And boy, did the music sound good on quality speakers.
The music of Spinal Tap is a contradiction in itself: The lyrics are deliberately sexist and lacking self-awareness:
“… Big Bottom… talk about bun cakes, my girl’s got ‘em… I met her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day…”
“Stonehenge, Where the demons dwell… Where the banshees live and they do live well…”
and, well, the entirety of “Sex Farm”…
BUT: They are great musicians and the songs work (and not just as “comedy songs”). You can appreciate the skill AND the humour on display whilst enjoying the music. And the fact that it is all intentional and so brilliantly crafted just boggles the brain. Yes, they’re a fictional band, but they work as a band.
Anyway, enough of my yackin’… If you haven’t seen it, promptly do so.
VERDICT: Solid gold classic. Unmissable.
SUPERMAN
Superman is back, and we’re skipping the origin story and leaping into proceedings with both feet. Supes is on the receiving end of an ass-whooping from evil Lex Luthor’s cronies, and is "arrested” for interfering in global events that, apparently, have nothing to do with him. He’s also in a relationship with journalist colleague Lois Lane. So far, so Superman.
The difference with this entry is James Gunn: tonally, it is a bit of a mess. At times it feels a bit too Guardians of the Galaxy (which was a better fit for Gunn’s rough-around-the-edges humour), with some scenes undermined by odd choices (one scene that comes to mind: Superman and Lois having a heart-to-heart whilst a huge floating monster is attacked in the background…). About twenty minutes in, there’s a scene between Clark and Lois which goes on… and on… and on… for about ten minutes. It’s just indulgent. For a story so keen to get on with it, it was tantamount to slamming on the brakes.
I did enjoy Nicholas Hoult’s performance as Lex, seemingly a mix of Tom Cruise and Elon Musk. There are even nods to Trump, story-wise, which feel a tad obvious - or maybe that’s just the times we live in?
David Corenswet makes for a solid Superman, and there’s a lot of fun from supporting characters like Mr. Terrific and Green Lantern. But there’s a feeling of peeking behind the curtain of James Gunn’s style as familiar beats are played out in a slightly different order. I saw this with my twelve-year-old son, who really liked it, whereas I was left somewhat underwhelmed. I just didn’t particularly care about anything that was happening on screen.
VERDICT: A vast improvement on Snyder’s Superman, but erring on self-indulgent.
STREAMING
THUNDERBOLTS*
A gang of misfit outsider superheroes is thrown together and set off on a mission. So far, so Guardians of the Galaxy. Florence Pugh leads the way as the Thunderbolts try to stop a government plot to unleash a new CIA-approved superhero. The story is quite basic, but the interaction between the underdogs is enjoyable, with Wyatt Russell echoing his father Kurt at times with the brashness of Big Trouble in Little China’s Jack Burton.
There’s an unexpectedly psychological side to the plot, utilising a dash of Inside Out-style emotional turmoil. The bad guy is nicely depicted (well, pretty scary-looking), and in all, it’s one of the better Marvel movies because it does try to do something different. There’s a sense that it is a stepping stone to the next Avengers movie, but Thunderbolts* is a fun ‘n snappy ride.
VERDICT: Interesting villain with a finale that doesn’t rely on the usual tactics.
THE THURSDAY MURDER CLUB
Disclaimer: I like Richard Osman, but I wasn’t a fan of his book. I love a murder/mystery, but I found his book was firmly pitching for a certain demographic, which just wasn’t my cup of tea. I understand why it has been a roaring success, and good luck to Mr. Osman.
As for the film… I approached it with an open mind, willing to accept that whatever didn’t click with me in the book might translate better as a movie. The opening five minutes reminded me why I did not like the book. It’s just so… twee. The “gentle humour” of it all… it wouldn’t be out of place in a cosy BBC afternoon drama. The characters’ alien way of speaking non-stop exposition… Helen Mirren is landed with the lion’s share of legwork, and throws herself into the world of what can only be described as the Hogwarts of Retirement Homes. Honestly, how anyone can afford to live there is beyond me. Perhaps the OAPs had a visit from a Hagrid-esque carer, who knows…
A mini-Tomorrow Never Dies reunion of Pierce Brosnan and Jonathan Pryce sounds good on paper, but deary me, why did they cast Brosnan as a cockney? I like Brosnan - he has charm and is appealing - but he’s just miscast here. Pryce has the most interesting role as a dementia patient, but it’s too close to his role in Slow Horses, and just reminded me I would rather be watching that. Richard E. Grant also pops up in a role which stands out like a sore thumb. Even Naomi Ackie’s role as a female PC felt like Anjana Vasan’s role in Wicked Little Letters: The female police woman looked down on by all her superiors as the sort only good for making tea. At least Wicked Little Letters was set in the 1920s. To perpetuate that kind of put-upon, overlooked female character in today’s world feels stale to say the least. Of course, sexism still exists in the workplace, but here it lands like a path of least resistance for character development.
The murder plot ticks over like an average episode of Columbo or Murder, She Wrote, with token irate coppers moaning about meddling with the case… It never sets its sights higher or strives for something fresh. I can only conclude that people like that kind of thing. But even as an “easy watch” (which I’m not going to be snooty about - we all love a less-demanding/brain-off film), it just grates. I just sat there with my brain muttering over and over… “Brosnan and Mirren were in The Long Good Friday…”
VERDICT: As thin and twee as a Nice biscuit flopping into a cup of tea served in the nicest china.
ALIEN: EARTH
Set before Ridley Scott’s 1979 classic Alien, this sees a sabotaged spaceship crash land on Earth into a city, and before you can say “Game over, man”, there’s an Xenomorph bombing around the gaff, with a bunch of child-like synthetic humans roaming around the crash site, led by Timothy Olyphant (who I always felt could’ve played an older Hicks, had Neill Blomkamp ever got his way with an alt. timeline story), who are on the hunt on behalf of “big business”.
“But they didn’t discover the Alien until ‘Alien’”, I hear you cry. Well, seems like they did. I know, it confuses me too. But, I’m only three episodes in, still hoping it is all going to explain itself soon.
Stylistically, it can’t be faulted. It sticks closely to Sir Ridders’ aesthetic, using costumes and sets as callbacks to the good ol’ days of Alien. Like the recent Alien: Romulus, it leans into the greatest hits of the Alien series - perhaps more subtly than Romulus, but enough to either make you smile wryly or roll your eyes.
Things have started to get interesting by Ep 3, with new and fascinating ideas being tantalisingly dangled. The cast of mostly unfamiliars do well, with Adrian Edmondson proving yet again he’s much under-served in the “serious roles” department.
At times confusing and lacking in a central character to get behind, it looks the biz and promises to explore some new ideas. I’m interested to see where it is all heading and hoping that it will do its own thing rather than rely on the greatest hits. We shall see.
VERDICT: Intriguing, but somewhat synthetic.
READING
I recently read a Bluesky thread of biography recommendations - and not just any old rose-tinted life story - I’m talking about ones that not only dish the dirt, but with relish, knives out-style. Two books which were recommended covered the never-ending back-biting of New Order, in particular the singer Bernard Sumner and bass guitarist Peter Hook. The public fallout has been well-documented, but to read it in their own words… well, it is difficult to know who is telling the truth. Maybe they both are - at least telling their own truth.
First up was:
CHAPTER AND VERSE: NEW ORDER, JOY DIVISION AND ME by Bernard Sumner
Sumner recounts his life story in standard form, from humble beginnings, grandparents, school, street life, and how that all changed when he formed Joy Division with Peter Hook, Ian Curtis, and Stephen Morris. The memories of his early days are told with a relatable grit and earthiness, and there’s a strong sense that this is where Sumner’s heart still lies. When the inevitable life-on-the-road tales unfold, Sumner opts for the high ground, seemingly never wanting to get into the he-said/she-said: He expresses his sentiments about his falling out with Peter Hook precisely and to the point, but I felt like he didn’t want to give Hook the pleasure of knowing the full story. As is frequently the want of the storyteller, the story is a reflection of their truth… which leads us nicely to:
SUBSTANCE: INSIDE NEW ORDER by Peter Hook
If Sumner’s book is the high ground, then Peter Hook’s version of events is a hosepipe of slurry uncontrollably flailing in all directions. Hook’s truth is a lengthy (over 700 pages!), detailed account of everything New Order. A book for the completist, it covers every song, every gig, every drink, every drug, every explosion of vomit, and every argument. It is no holds barred, and quite often bitter and moany - but there’s an honesty about it which is undeniable. When Hook is/was pissed off, you hear about it. He often holds himself to account, recounting his less-than-honourable moments, which grounds it in honesty. Frequently critical of his bandmates (Sumner - or Barney as he is always referred to - cops most of it, whilst keyboardist Gillian Gilbert is often rendered as having nothing of value to New Order), Hook takes no prisoners.
Having read the books back to back, it is almost impossible to grasp how the bloody hell New Order ever hit the heights they did. The whole situation reads as a never-ending nightmare, with manager Rob Gretton juggling a drug habit with reluctantly paying the band (confusingly, Gretton is held in esteem, yet it reads far differently in black and white). Joy Division and New Order created some brilliant music, and for that we must be thankful, but… bloody hell, what a headache it must have all been.
VERDICT: Sumner for the heart, Hook for the soul.
GAMING
POWER WASH SIMULATOR: THE MUCKINGHAM FILES 6
If you’re a regular reader of this particular Substack, you will know that I frequently bang the drum for Power Wash Simulator. Well, this is another public service announcement to inform you that two more levels are available to download for FREE. This will probably be the last of the DLC before PW2 arrives, so it will quench your thirst for more for about, ooooh, two hours.
VERDICT: Inject it into my veins!
ON ROTATION
With the re-release of This Is Spinal Tap and the forthcoming Spinal Tap II: The End Continues arriving at cinemas in September, here’s a playlist to whet your appetite! HELLO CLEVELAND!
If you enjoyed Short People, please spread the word!