Backstabbers - Chapter 21

The Grand Parade

Backstabbers is my first novel, a 1979-based comedy murder-mystery about aspirations for fame and dreams unfulfilled.

Great Downer. Cramps-Stabbing. Rogering. Gopping-Le-Soken. Falking Hill.

On AM and medium wave. This is Radio ON.

It must have been Monday because Local DJ Mike Beslee was playing I Don’t Like Mondays.

  ‘Who does like Mondays? I hate them. But enough about me, Mike Beslee, you’re listening to Radio On!’ declared the cheesy DJ, as Stu ate Shreddies from a yellow Tupperware bowl, scowling at the radio. ‘Mum. Why are we listening to this?’

  ‘Jeffrey knows Mike Beslee,’ said Jemima.

  ‘No he doesn’t,’ sneered Stu. At the breakfast table, Godfrey broke from his Shredded Wheat with an authoritative look. ‘Jeffrey appeared with Mike Beslee at the unveiling of the Falking Hill sign.’

  ‘I know. I was there too,’ said Stu. ‘That must mean I’m best pals with him too.’

  ‘Jeffrey was with the cadets,’ said Stu’s Dad. ‘They all got Mike Beslee’s autograph. Did you?’

  Stu couldn’t believe his parents’ desire to be connected to fame, regardless of how tenuous the link was. ‘‘Jeffrey’s in with the National Front these days. S’pose you’d give him a Tufty badge for that?’

  ‘Your Auntie Jilly is a member of the National Front,’ said Jemima. Her husband promptly corrected her. ‘Trust. National Trust.’

  ‘Jeffrey and Mike are appearing at the march for peace this evening, at the marketplace,’ said Jemima. She smiled softly at her son. ‘Would you like Jeffrey to get Mike’s autograph for you?’

  ‘Only if he addresses it to my Aunt Nell,’ said Stu. His parents didn’t find his retort funny. They weren’t meant to. The phone rang. All three looked at it with frozen dread, wondering what now.