December Round-Up
"If I can't rule the world, I might as well save it!"
GREETINGS & SALUTATIONS
In this edition:
Farewell 2024!
Idris and Keanu team-up! As Hedgehogs!
GAV-A-LAR!
2024 is done, and it was a year of small but welcome surprises when it comes to writing. Earlier in the year I was selected for the Tall Story Pictures script call-out, which was a great and unexpected opportunity, not to mention writing a couple of plays and a feature script; none of which I had banked on writing. The lesson here is to strike while the iron is hot: If an idea catches then get it written ASAP. I also wrote two plays, which I hadn’t intended to write but proved a worthy challenge.
There was a LOT of script editing, quite a few things worked on (which I plan to return to in 2025), a lot of movies watched, and a lot of projects filled with notes… I will probably kick off 2025 with a TV pilot, so there’s something ready for the C4 script comp and BBC Writers Room towards the end of the year.
I hope you all had a marvellous Christmas, and that the new year is packed full of good stuff! Thanks for reading!
JUST ONE MORE THING…
Having spent weeks in a grot-bubble of seasonal germs I have been concentrating (when I could) on creating Pitch Decks for various projects. I don’t know if what I’ve produced is pitch (deck) perfect, but it has been extremely useful to analyse the scripts I’ve written, pick them apart, boil them down, and doll them up for marketing purposes!
You can check out the results of my experiment for my most recent screenplay, The Outrunners, next month!
CINEMA
MUFASA: THE LION KING
Disney has been churning out “real life” adaptations of their animated hits, and Mufasa is a sequel/prequel to The Lion King. Book-ended with pointless present-day stuff with Simba, we flashback to a tale of how Mufasa became Simba’s Dad. A story nobody, other than Simba’s offspring, asked for. The animation and detail in the locations are breath-taking as you would expect for a film with a budget of two hundred million dollars, but the faces of the creatures don’t match the expressiveness of the voice acting - akin to hearing and watching two versions of the same story AT THE SAME TIME. The plot is rather dull; neither too exciting nor over-complicated: Young Mufasa has a run-in with some bad lions who want revenge, pursuing them across all sorts of terrain. It feels like it is aimed at four-year-olds, but it lacks charm, wit and fun to keep things lively. As for the songs… No thanks. Had this been released in the 90s it would have been straight to video.
VERDICT: Soulless cash-grab.
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 3
Sonic is back! Again! And this time there are two Jim Carrey’s for the price of one (to be fair, that price was incredibly hefty in the first place). Keanu Reeves voices Shadow, a moody hedgehog out for revenge, and Team Sonic is the only gang of colourful super-fast hedgehogs that can stop him. It’s all silly and utterly random at times, but the target audience will enjoy the whizzy crash-bang stuff and the grown-ups will enjoy Jim Carrey being extra silly.
VERDICT: Fine and undemanding fun.
RED ONE
I gave this a big swerve at the cinema due to a) Bad reviews and b) I’d seen the trailer a few times and it made my teeth gnash about as much as the trailer for Moana 2 (uncoincidentally starring The Rock. I swear if I hear “BOAT SNACK!” one more time…)
Red One had a super-fast release on Amazon Prime, presumably hoping to ride high on the quick turnaround before the smell of something rotten fills the nostrils.
Chris Evans plays a naughty-lister kid-now grown, recruited (for some reason) to help The Rock’s Santa-Security chief (for some reason) to find Santa (J.K. Simmons, playing Santa as a buff fitness freak, for some reason), who has been kidnapped (for some reason). Stuff happens, so-so CGI is sloshed by the bucket load and the whole thing lumbers on desperately believing the 250 million budget will cure all ills.
Red One is as empty and devoid of meaning as antlers on a frog. It may catch the eye, but what does it all mean? The Rock is meant to be surly but comes across as bored, Chris Evans tries to be the connector to the audience (presumably jaded 15-year-olds), but none of it feels remotely Christmassy nor entertaining. I just don’t understand who this film is aimed at: It’s too mature for kids and too unsophisticated for teens.
VERDICT: The equivalent of receiving a huge, expensive-looking box with nothing inside.
TELEVISION
BLACK DOVES
I’m a few episodes into Black Doves, and to say too much is to spoil it (yes, it’s a bit twisty-turny), but it’s very well-written with some intriguing characters and casting choices including Ben Whishaw being more Bond than Q, and Keira Knightly playing very much against type as a deep-cover operative. There are shady organisations and conspiracies, neatly realised by Giri/Haji creator Joe Barton.
VERDICT: An interesting take on some well-trod roads.
GAVIN AND STACEY: THE FINALE
The number one show of the Christmas period: If you didn’t watch it you certainly couldn’t escape people talking about it. Gavin and Stacey’s deceptively simple premise of joining two families from opposite sides of the UK and following all of those family events we partake in (or endure) proved to be such a winner: A comfort watch filled with characters who felt like extended family. After a couple of opening scenes which felt a little flat and the tease of possible bad news, it was down to business: It proved to be Gavin and Stacey after all, and it stuck firmly to its audience-pleasing guns. The finale was the perfect send-off.
VERDICT: The ending everybody wanted.
READING
Cher: The Memoir - Part 1 by Cher
I’m a few chapters into this and, as you’d expect, it is a fascinating read. Cher’s typical no-nonsense approach to life is represented in every line: She’s matter-of-fact about her upbringing and the turmoil she experienced, all told with Cher’s typically strong voice. As she should be. It’s Part One, so there is a lot of space given over to her mother’s history and her many family members, not to mention Sonny Bono’s despicable treatment of Cher. Can’t wait for Part Two!
GAMING
FORTNITE: BRICK LIFE
The new update from Epic Games is a sort of Lego version of Grand Theft Auto (so, just like Lego City, then?). It’s multi-player (obvs), so you can run, drive, or hoverboard around a city, get a job in a bank or a cinema, buy a house and furnish it. In a way, it reminds me of the old Facebook game YoVille! (you can visit other players’ houses - or not, if they’re set to private), but that’s not a bad thing. It’s early days and could do with more things to do, but it’s a nice addition for those who don’t want to spend their Fortnite time being headshot-sniped by eight-year-olds.
POWER WASH SIMULATOR
A free level of the brilliantly simple and addictive Power Wash Simulator has been released! Last year was Santa’s Grotty Grotto, this year you have to clean an Ice Rink. So get downloading and clean that Christmas tree!
Thank you for reading Short People!
It would greatly help if you could share this post on your socials. If you’re a writer on Substack, please could you add Short People to your recommendations.
If you enjoyed Short People, please spread the word!