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GREETINGS & SALUTATIONS
In this edition:
Grogu
Grogu
Grogu
Some of you may have read âThe Manifestoâ post I did a couple of weeks ago about what essentially will become Short People TV - if you missed it, catch up HERE - so I have been busying myself with one-minute scripts, and generally planning for what will be filmed at the end of this year.
To keep things clean and everything in its right place, I will be launching another Substack in Autumn (running alongside this one), which will host these one-minute films, and focus on the âmaking ofâ and diary stuff/trials/tribulations of making films. Feels like the sensible thing to do, to avoid muddying two different formats. More info to follow.
In the meantime, I managed to snag a little chat with Meg LeFauve, writer of Inside Out, Inside Out 2 and The Good Dinosaur. Meg is one of my favourite writers - one whom I admire immensely because she has a great deal of emotional intelligence in her work, as well as being filled with simply great ideas that poke at the heart, usually rendering me a blubbing mess in the corner.
Meg spoke about being kind to ourselves and learning how to respect ourselves as writers and people. For me, this is something that isnât spoken about enough: Being kind to yourself whilst trying to pluck something out of creative thin air, but also treating yourself right as a writer; balancing âreal lifeâ with a creative life. Lots of people donât get it: Sticking your neck out to only receive a muted response, or worse, a complete lack of encouragement can be hard to deal with. (Not that anyone is OWED praise, but neither does it cost much to find something constructive to say or to be genuinely encouraging.) On the other hand, some will have an unvarnished opinion and freely share it (usually when you least need to hear it). You do have to be your own champion, especially in an industry of gatekeepers/rejection/silence.
Young/emerging writers think âwhen Iâm a pro, it will be easier, I can be nicer to myselfâ but often it gets harder. Yes, you are getting paid, but the bar is so high, and now politics enters the process, and you are killing darlings faster than your brain can come up with the new pitch. I try to stay in CURIOUSITY as a way to be kind to my creative self. - Meg LeFauve
Following this, I have been on the agent hunt once more. It is not a process that gives me the âwoo-hoosâ, because thereâs a lot of research, trying to find the RIGHT agent to submit work to, second-guessing who may be a good fit, followed by months of waiting. Having had representation before, it really does make a huge difference to being read and⌠not. All of this, while the financial walls close in. It all requires mental focus, because the âwhy donât you just quit?â echo does love the sound of his own voice. So, if youâre the praying kind, remember me.
Right. What shall I write next?
JUST ONE MORE THINGâŚ
If you would like to offer support in more practical ways, I have a Ko-Fi account! Iâve been clawing savings together to purchase a new camera - an essential requirement for the aforementioned Short People one-minute films - but in order to achieve the best possible results, I also need something to edit on! If youâre willing and able, please feel free to tip me HERE - all help is greatly appreciated!
CINEMA
THE MANDALORIAN AND GROGU
Grogu.
VERDICT: Best film ever.
Alright, alright. Iâll review it properly. BUT LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE!!!!!!!!
The television series The Mandalorian is one of the best Star Wars spin-offs. For me, it got everything right: Expanded the universe, added texture, utilised bit-part creatures from the movies and fleshed them out. I love a lot of the television spin-offs: Obi-Wan, The Book of Boba Fett, Skeleton Crew⌠they all proved there was more to Star Wars than just Skywalker. These were all the stories I wanted to see as a child, post-movies, instead of ruddy Caravan of Courage.
And now we have the first movie spin-off from a series. Or is it? I say this because some reports suggest there was meant to be a fourth season of The Mandalorian - which was scrapped - and that the film is essentially âthe fourth seasonâ (or, some of it, at least). Iâve no idea if this is true, but all I can say is the film certainly feels that way.
After a strong opener - which felt epic in scale - the story settles into a television format, which is impossible to deny: Mando gets his next job, goes from here to there, finding out how to achieve his mission and so on. And by golly, thereâs a lot of âMando going here and there in his shipâ. A lot of âMando walkingâ shots. (I believe they call it âfillerâ.)
For the first hour, Grogu barely has anything to do, as Mando tracks down Jabba the Huttâs âonly living heirâ who has been kidnapped. Sigourney Weaver, looking like she filmed her stuff in a matter of hours, shows up as not-Carl Weathers. Martin Scorsese voices an alien, for some reason. Producer Dave Filoni appears for some reason. A character from Star Wars: Rebels shows up, with no introduction or explanation of why heâs there. âIt just isâ, is the order of the day here.
All of it is fine. Thereâs absolutely nothing wrong with a simple action/adventure story. Not everything has to be The Skywalker Saga-level of storytelling. But what we have here is âTV wonât let us do this, so letâs do it as a filmâ - but then the producer and director forget to make it for the cinema. If this had been the opener for season four, Iâd have been perfectly happy with it. But this just feels like two elongated episodes shown at the cinema. For a few moments, I was even getting nauseous Caravan of Courage vibes from it. Itâs the filmmakersâ failure to elevate their game that frustrated me the most. Jon Favreau can do this stuff, but The Grogalorian (as I now call it) does verge on weak sauce purely because it doesnât break out of its televisual origins.
But: It is not terrible. My twelve-year-old son loved it, my wife really liked it, I really liked elements of it - I just left feeling a bit cheated: Much like we know Pedro Pascal is only The Mandalorian in voice (and if he takes off his helmet), this is very much a film with a TV special under its mask.
VERDICT: Fine, but it will probably play better on television.
STREAMING
THE LONG WALK
The Proclaimers once sang they would walk five hundred miles (and five hundred more), presumably with many toilet breaks and a few nights in a hotel. The fifty poor souls in The Long Walk are not afforded such luxury, as their televised Hunger Games-style walk is a non-stop affair. The rules are simple: keep walking or be shot. Adapted from the Stephen King story, it features his usual well-drawn characters: the Everyman, the philosophical one, the nasty piece of workâŚ
While the story is inevitable and, in many respects, predictable - only one can win - you do feel for every single one of the young men, and itâs a situation that makes you think, long after the film has ended: how far would I have gone? The film is much more of a meditation on life and mortality; the hands we are all dealt. It is not quite in the Shawshank Redemption league of king adaptations, itâs firmly in the âgoodâ ledger, with great performances from all - especially David Jonsson as the guy you would want to walk with, and Cooper Hoffman as the main character with a score to settle. Mark Hamill provides a Trumpian turn as the major, the figure of hate who presides over the event. Itâs an affecting story, one that lingers in the mind, and will prove to be future cult movie viewing.
Available on Amazon Prime
VERDICT: Bleak, painful, but engrossing
SEND HELP
Director Sam Raimi is on full gross-out in yer face mode with this twisted tale of two plane-wrecked survivors trying to stay alive on a remote island. The difference here is it is an obnoxious, mega-rich, mega-ego CEO-type and his overlooked and derided underling. The tables are turned as the minion Linda - played brilliantly by Rachel McAdams, clearly loving every minute - is an expert on survival, and now holds all the power. Within minutes, she is building a shelter, collecting water and hunting an iffy looking CGI boar.
The title doesnât do the film justice - it should have been No Help is Coming, largely because Linda is thoroughly enjoying being stranded, and doesnât want to go home. There are big whiffs of Misery-on-an-island, as Linda does her best to keep her boss in his place. Itâs all very heightened and increasingly silly, but it is saved by McAdams, who really needs to play more roles like this.
In another life, this could have been a Rom-Com, as the two polar opposites work together and their bond grows, but this is a Sam Raimi film, so expect moments that will make you wince and your stomach turn.
Ultimately, itâs a bit empty, and the focus on the gross-out moments is too much, with the story dictating progression rather than the characters, and thereâs a feeling that the story could have had more of an injection of satire, 9-to-5 style, instead of opting for more obvious character development.
Available on Disney+
VERDICT: Enjoyably daft, vicious and as subtle as a boot in the backside
RENTAL FAMILY
Brendan Fraser gets his Lost in Translation on as an American actor living in Japan, semi-famous for once appearing in a typically wacky toothpaste commercial. These days, the work has dried up somewhat, leading him to find work as a friend-for-hire: People pay him to fill an empty role in order to bring a little peace to their own lives. At first, heâs doing it for the money, but as bonds grow with his âclientsâ, attachments form, and it all starts to go awry somewhat.
Fraser is suitably affable, but the film opts for gentle and low-key, so donât expect dramatic fireworks or any in-depth probing into loneliness. Itâs a sweet enough film that sets its sights on warmth and hits its targets with ease.
Available on Disney+
VERDICT: Mild and easy-going light drama.
TELEVISION
MARGOTâS GOT MONEY TROUBLES
Before you say, âDonât we all, love?â, I should point out that our Margot (Elle Fanning) is a mother with a newborn and no job. Hamstrung by circumstance, Margot turns to creating an OnlyFans account (some of us arenât QUITE at that point. Yet. Iâll let you know.) Selling nude images, she soon starts to dig herself out of a hole - and dig even deeper into trouble.
Itâs Fanningâs show: Sheâs very much front, centre, up and down, and sheâs more than capable, supported brilliantly by Michelle Pfeiffer and Nick Offerman as her chalk ân cheese divorced parents. The drama and comedy are slight once the premise is established, and there are a couple of bridging episodes and seen-it-before moments, but like a lot of shows at the moment, it is about the talent on screen - and you could do a lot worse.
Available on Apple TV
VERDICT: OnlyFans? OnlyFanning!
PONIES
OR: Persons of No Interest, this Russia-set 70s espionage dramedy sees the two wives of deceased agents being recruited on the simple premise that nobody will suspect two women (hey, itâs the seventies). Emilia Clarke is the sensible one, Haley-Lu Richardson is the in-yer-face one who likes a tipple: What could go wrong?
Itâs a heightened affair, leaning heavily on the charm of the central pairing. Expect killer KGB agents, everything and the kitchen sink being bugged, and slightly bumbling efforts at spying from the newbies whilst delivering a liberal amount of buddy-buddy sass. Itâs a little predictable and slight, but the central duo hold it all together. The brilliant pairing of Emilia Clarke and Haley-Lu Richardson can only mean one thing: PONIES really has its eyebrow A-Game nailed down. If only Roger Moore were still aliveâŚ
Available on Now TV
VERDICT: ABC KGB.
SPIDER-NOIR
Arriving in colour AND black and white (Iâd go for the b&w, personally), Spider-Noir first appeared on film in the animated Into/Across/Exiting before the tollbooth (presumably) the Spider-verse, voiced by mad-as-a-brush Nicholas Cage. Well, Cage is back and in the flesh this time as a 1930s New York detective, Ben Reilly. Like any good down-at-heel Private Eye, Ben has got emotional baggage. Unlike most moody noir detectives, he also has a super-power: Heâs Spider-Man in a trench coat and fedora.
If youâre a fan of The Rocketeer, Dick Tracy, The Shadow, The Phantom - lesser-known superheroes who usually battle mobsters and Nazis - then youâll probably be on board with this. Iâve watched one episode so far, and found it intriguing, but not exactly super-exciting as it relies on familiar detective tropes. It is rated 15 due to one gory murder, which is a pity because the rest of it is family-friendly. But weâll see how it progresses - it might be horrifically brutal later on, who knows? The show is a little light on atmosphere, due to everything looking digital and studio-bound - in fact, Sin City did come to mind whilst watching (but less hyper-stylised). Not bad, but needs to come into its own quick-smart.
Available on Prime
VERDICT: A must for Spider-fans, a maybe for everyone else.
GAMING
FORTNITE: STAR WARS
Launched in time for Star Wars day (May the 4th, obvs), Fortnite has served up a slate of new Star Wars tie-in games, including Galactic Siege - the closest we will get to a new Battlefront game for a while; Escape Vader - a horror game (if you like that sort of thing), and Droid Tycoon, which has, so far, proved to be my favourite out of the new releases. Thereâs a lot of fun to be had, and itâs a good way to farm XP points and nab those freebies. The only downside is it made me pine for a proper Battlefront gameâŚ
VERDICT: Addictive as ever.
ON ROTATION
The edgiest end-credit song for an 80s cartoon has FINALLY arrived on streaming! The official Canadian anthem (as described by one YouTuber), the end theme for The Raccoons, âRun with Usâ (by Lisa Lougheed) has got its act together and is ready to whisk you back to Saturday mornings! (Sorry, Glitterwolf: Your cover version served us well until the real deal arrived!)
Hereâs a rather laidback offering to complement the recent scorching temperatures. Lights off, windows open, press playâŚ
Like the cut of my jib, do ya? Well, buy me a coffee!
(Actual real coffee is also readily accepted!)
